28 May 2015

The folly of getting comfortable

Just when you are feeling fantastic, and the Meniere's is the last thing on your mind, BAM!

You spin back into reality with a week long (still going) episode.

And the bitches at work start in on you for driving.

HELLOOOO Im not driving when Im in a full spin.

HELLOOOO Driving (or riding) makes me really wobbly for a while after I've been in the car a while  ie: my commute...

So Im wobbly.
So Im dizzy.
Im not in a full spin or I'd not be typing, hell I wouldn't even be at work I'd be barfing.

All this does is give the haters more ammo. More ammo to try to tell me how to live my life. More ammo to use to judge me....
My hearing is impaired right now so I can't hear your snotty comments.

HA!  There is that...

It gets better every day, but right now I feel pretty crappy and want to take a nap.

No, I want to play with my embroidery machine, but I feel too lousy for that....

Right now its 76 degrees in my office and Im about to freaking die... Oh yea, ya'll screwed with the a/c ten seconds after I said the cooler air felt better.

So screw off haters and judgers. My situation sucks enough without your comments.

You don't know the fear I have of the day when I can't work anymore. You have no idea what it means to me to be able to still wobble into work and sit behind a desk and work.  You have NO idea how bad our situation will be if I can't work.

You have no clue.

P.S.   Im jacking the a/c down while you are at lunch.

15 March 2015

Dreams of the Other Me

Sometimes my dreams are filled with remembering who I was before I was me now.

Lately that's been a lot.  I remember the amazing time I had as a firefighter (not the bad stuff thank goodness) as I sleep. I do all the things I used to do, then I wake up.

Sometimes I wonder what things would have been had I not gotten sick. I try not to fill my mind with "what if's" but sometimes they seem to pour in in large volumes. I sit quietly at my desk and close my eyes. My mind wonders to another time and another place. Just as I start to drift away back into that dreamland, I snap away at the sound of the phone chirping.

Gotta shake it off and get back to constructive things. Im not there anymore and I will never go back. Its time to move on, I tell myself. Time to move on.

12 March 2015

Temporarily (I hope) Deaf in my Left Ear

After the holidays, the flu and a thousand other things going on, I got a nasty cold. The nastiest cold I have ever gotten to be exact. One of the worst. Put me down for 4 days. It gave me a raging ear infection.

I'm working on a week with no hearing in my left ear. What?!

Yup. I woke up a week ago deaf in my left ear. As in I can't hear anything more than mumbles and a high pitched ringing that has replaced normal sound.

Hopefully it won't be permanent. Hopefully the antibiotics will correct this. Hopefully. But, as we all know, Meniere's is a hearing and balance disorder. So I might be like this a while.

It feels isolating, to be honest. I can't hear people coming in and out of my office, I can't use the phone on that ear, and I can not stand to listen to the radio in the car because its lopsided.  It sucks.

So lets hope the last two days of the antibiotics knocks this out so I don't have to keep saying "What?"