09 March 2013

Walking Away for the Last Time

Yesterday was my last day at the school with the kiddos.  It was heart wrenching.  I had one kiddo hurl him self on me, sobbing, begging me not to leave.  Others drew frowney faces on my good bye card with the plea that I stay. 

It was a really hard, tear filled, afternoon.  I cried and cried with the kids. 

I know Im doing what is best for my hubby and I, but its so hard.  It angers me that in order to have health coverage, EVEN with the laws in place, I have to break 10 kids hearts and take a job that is outside my scope of education.  I have to walk away for the last time, from a career that I tried so hard to build back after my time in the fire service. 

I met the folks I will be working with and Im sure that I will have no problem at my new job getting along.  Everyone seemed to be really cool and seemed to be laid back.  I got good vibes there.

I'll never have another chance at teaching.  The "career" hopping appearance I have now will forever prevent me from ever even getting an interview.  (I know because changing careers once was enough to do that, twice is a death sentence as far as they are concerned) 

I have officially walked away from what I spent thousands of dollars and several years to train and educate for.  This would never have happened had I not gotten sick and lost my job and insurance.  I wouldn't have had to make this tough decision had we had access to affordable health care.  I could have stayed until there was a public school job, or just stayed and done what Im good at, what I trained for and what I love.

I made a huge sacrifice for what we needed.  My heart aches, and Im a little bitter about seeing those kiddos cry and cry because I had to leave. Please forgive this sad rant.  I will heal and the kiddos will too, but right now as I am sad about leaving. 

Im SO thankful, at the same time, that I will finally have insurance.  I just wish it hadn't been so hard to obtain, and so heartbreaking to leave.

Maybe I will really have a lot of time to spare at the new job.  They keep telling me I will.  And if I do, well I believe that it might be just what I need to perhaps write a book... I've been talking about writing a book forever, so maybe I can actually do that...

None the less, I am standing on the brim of a glass that I'm trying to see as half-full, trying not to fall in for I know not if I can swim in what ever lies between me and the bottom. 

No comments:

Post a Comment