18 January 2013

I'm sorry did you just say "Spiffy Blitzkrieg"?

    So I know that I can't hear well, but I can't help but to ask when I think I heard something weird or strange if it was correct.  Most of the time I'm pretty sure what I'm going to ask is going to sound silly, but I promise that's exactly what I heard. 

    I make light of going deaf because if I didn't I'd spend everyday crying.  I can't hear the things I used to be able to hear, and although its been a year since my last hearing test, I can tell that there are changes. Lots of changes to my hearing.

    I can't hear the alarm clock most of the time now. I can't hear some of the kids at school when they ask me questions.  I can't hear my dear hubby when he says something mundane.  I have to turn up the radio WAY past the "19" I used to set it on. "34" or "40" is closer to what I set it on these days.  Sometimes I can feel the music more than hear it, but that is because of the fluctuating hearing loss. It goes from bad to gone sometimes and I have no idea why. A couple weeks ago I had a terrible head cold and was stone deaf in my left ear for about 12 hours or so.  I literally could not hear anything. Its still not "normal". My right ear was also affected, so for about 12 hours everything was one-sided and muffled.  It was frightening.

    I say "what" way too often now.  I get so frustrated when I have to ask people to tell me again what they said, and even more irked when I'm told to be quiet because I'm talking too loud.  I really can't tell. 

    In the new apartment there are lots of new sounds, and things I should be able to hear, that I simply can't. 

    I suppose once the hearing is gone I will have to walk around with a pistol to feel safe.  I can not hear the door open, I can not hear the doorbell, and if someone broke in, I'd not hear it until they came down the hall.

   What's going to happen if my hubby and I ever have kids?  How will I hear my babies cry if they need me? What if they are hurt, or scared? Will that make me a bad mother?  Deaf people have babies right? So what do they do?

    Lots of questions.  Lots of fear. Lots of miscommunication.

(I really did think my hubby said "spiffy blitzkrieg" once, in case you wondered)

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