12 January 2012

Metamorphize Me Please....

In the early 1990's, a country song was able to use the word "metamorphize" in the lyrics. ("Bubba Hyde" by Diamond Rio)  I always liked the way they could get that word into the lyrics of a country song, no less.  "You ought to see him metamorphize, from Barney Jeckel into Bubba Hyde". 
The song is about short term change.  This regular guy becomes a honky-tonk wild man on the weekends.  Its a great song, you should check it out if for no other reason than to say you actually heard a song that used the word "metamorphize" correctly.... 

To "metamorphize" is to change. That old hateful CPT I worked for used to say that people fear two things, fear and change.  As much as I hate to say he was right, in this phrase he is. People fear change.  Change is different, and people crave things that are the same, things that are dependable and things that never waver.  People thrive on patterns of behavior.  Sometimes change is a good thing, other times it isn't.  Change can be with purpose, or it can be one of those things that happens even if you didn't choose it.

I didn't choose my metamorphosis.  It was chosen for me. For eleven years I lived and breathed the fire service. Some may have called it a "love of the uniform", but they would have been wrong.  Sure uniforms were cheaper as they were issued, but it was the "love of selfless service" that kept me where I was.  I had to be "one of the guys" to fit in.  And thought I never really fit in, I became something of an anomaly even beyond the fire service.  In the fire station, I proved so many preconceived notions wrong, that it made people change their ideas.  In the "real world" I kept up the persona that kept me alive, so to speak, in the fire station.  It was terribly rough around the edges.  It was tough with a splash of swagger.  It was the persona of an independent woman who tried to fool everyone, including herself, that she was tough and untouchable. 

Then my life changed, and so did I.  Suddenly I needed someone to help me with tasks I had once prided myself on.  I could no longer climb ladders, I needed a rail in the shower to keep from falling, I needed to hold onto someone to walk straight, I needed help.  I no longer could hide behind the idea that I was tough and untouchable.  I was clearly vulnerable, and as weak as the next guy.  Literally overnight, I became less independent.  It was, and sometimes still is, very hard for me. 

Some changes were good, I have to admit.  I get to sleep in my own bed every night.  I have begun to enjoy things that I can schedule a little in advance and not worry about being called into work.  We could get season hockey tickets and not stress about how many games I would have to miss.  We don't have to worry about me being away for holidays. 

Some changes were unexpected.  I didn't anticipate being hooked on purses.  I used to carry what ever was big and didn't care about the way it looked.  It was going into my locker as soon as I got to work, so what was the big deal? Oh there was the occasional nice bag or the "shocker" for fun (like the purse I LOVE with the painting "The Birth of Venus" on it, the guys called it a porn bag because the famous painting does have a somewhat nude woman on it.  Its art, not porn. Its Bottichelli for goodness sake!!) Now I enjoy a nice purse as much as for how it looks as for its function. 

There have been so many changes.  I've softened up a little. I'm not as rough around the edges as I once was.  I find I can't watch some of the violent movies that I once did, and I have more nightmares now, but I also find that I am alot easier going and less stressed.  Slowly my wardrobe is becoming less fire department t-shirts and more girlie things.  I don't talk about calls I ran non-stop anymore (its hockey now LOL), and I spend time doing more girlie things like shopping or crafting than I did.

So maybe my metamorphosis was something that was long overdue.  Change isn't all bad. Don't believe me, just ask Bubba Hyde, or uh, Barney Jeckle, or whoever he is....

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